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Avey Tare

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Avey Tare SUP GUYS SORRY IM LATE-1-

Avey Tare, suffering from acholism and drug addiction in 2012.

David "Avey Tare" Portner is the lead vocalist and songwriter of the legendary /mu/core band Animal Collective. Avey Tare is the only member to perform on every Animal Collective release. He is also a member of Terrestrial Tones, a duo with Eric Copeland of Black Dice. 

Early YearsEdit

In the early days, the young members of Animal Collective were led by Avey Tare through the magical forests of Baltimore, Maryland. In these years, they played together in many different configurations, most notably in the Pavement ripoff band Automine. Eventually, the band members went their separate ways, leaving the woods to go to college. Avey Tare moved to New York City with Geologist, while Panda Bear and Deakin both went to Boston. 

Avey Tare was completely disgusted by the debauchery of college life, and moved back to Maryland with Geologist. At that time, he was preparing his first solo masterpiece, Spirit They're Gone, Spirit They've Vanished. He knew this work of art was so much better than Panda Bear's comparably mediocre debut solo album, so he mercifully let him play drums on it, and credited him. It was around this time that the true Animal Collective was born, as the band became much more collaborative in nature. Geologist joined the group in Danse Manatee, and Deakin joined in Campfire Songs. By he time they released Here Comes the Indian, they were already an unstoppable force in the world of hitting random objects and yelling with harsh noise in the background. (Essentially, they were a proto-Death Grips.)

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Avey Tare in his glory days.

However, nobody liked them, because most people are plebs. The band's relationship was strained, and they went their separate ways for a short time. It was at this time that Avey Tare and Panda Bear reimagined the band with a new vision. They were to exit the forest and conquer the world of indie music as powerful conquerors. 

Rise to FameEdit

After the release of their folk-pop vision Sung Tongs, the duo readmitted Geologist and Deakin into the band to write the band version of Sung Tongs, Feels. At this time, Avey Tare married famous icelandic succubus Kria Brekkan. As they continued to get more and more acclaim, Avey's genius began to rub off on Panda Bear, who ended up releasing Person Pitch in 2007. Everyone liked that album so much that Pitchfork named it album of the year instead of Animal Collective's Strawberry Jam. In an effort to match him, Avey Tare and his wife recorded distorted versions of their lovemaking and released it as Pullhair Rubeye, which got a 1/10 from Pitchfork. In a fit of rage, Avey Tare expelled Deakin from the band. 

Avey Tare and Panda Bear ap-1-

Avey making a fool of himself.

Now a three-piece, Avey Tare forced Panda Bear to remake Person Pitch as an Animal Collective album. The result was Merriweather Post Pavilion, which is their most famous and acclaimed album to date. It was so loved that it was declared album of the year by Pitchfork in January. Riding the fame train, the group proceeded to live the rockstar life, snorting coke and injecting heroin on the daily. In 2010, Avey readmitted Deakin into the group because Deak definitely knew where to get heroin, I mean, just look at him.

Divorce and Decline into InsanityEdit

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Avey Tare in a cocaine-induced manic rage. Just look at Panda Bear crying.

With his drug addiction (not real) taking a toll on his sanity, Kria Brekkan decided she had enough, and divorced Avey Tare. Avey was distraught, as seen in his solo album Down There, which is a refference to being sad, not a reference to genitals. Avey quit drugs when Deakin locked him in a barn in Baltimore in 2011 and forced him to write new songs for Animal Collective. The result was Centipede Hz, which came out in 2012. Despite being a magnificent album detailing this dark moment in his life, Pitchfork decided to pan it because they felt like being edgy. This sent Avey Tare into a fit of alcoholism, which is to blame for his erratic behavior during the tour for Centipede Hz

Recent EventsEdit

After a disastrous year for Animal Collective, with Avey having to cancel multiple shows due to "illnesses" (Probably hospitalizations due to his drug use), the band went their own separate ways to work on solo material. Ever the workaholic, Avey formed a new group with ex-Dirty Projectors starlet Angel Deadoorian and the unfortunately named Jeremy Hyman. Giving them the name "Avey Tare's Slasher Flicks," he is currently in the process of creating new music with this new group.

While Deakin busied himself spending his Kickstarter-funded money on more heroine and a vegan shoe line, the "boyz" (Avey Tare, Panda Bear and the guy that wears a torch on his head) decided to capitalize on Deakin's absence by not making another Centipede Hz. The result was Painting WIth, which was given a 6.2 by Pitchfork, because critics don't like change, or they do? Rumors have since circulated that Avey convinced the band to do a world tour for a shitty/magnificent album in order to hunt for the finest alcohol before his disappointment leads him to suicide.

DiscographyEdit

LPs

  • Pullhair Rubeye (2007) (with Kria Brekkan)
  • Down There (2010)
  • Enter the Slasher House (2014) (with Slasher Flicks)

EPs

  • Crumbling Land (2003) (with David Grubbs)

LPs w/ Terrestrial Tones

  • Blasted (2005)
  • Obored/Circus Lives (2005)
  • Dead Drunk (2006)

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